This is one of my glamour shot photos. Don't I look even better than my usual perfection? Of course I do. See that little pink scrap under my paw? That is a piece of the wool my mom was using to make a hooked rug. All cats have an eye for art; we are just born with it and I thought this piece didn't fit into the design very well so I took it away from her before she could put it into the rug. I saved her from a bad mistake. I am, sometimes, "Mr. Thoughtful".
Labels: Mr. Thoughtful
It is starting to get cold here in Connecticut. mom is too cheap to turn on the furnace and I have short hair so I am miserable. Knocking all the tomatoes sitting on the kitchen counters off onto the floor one-by-one seems to help me feel better. You would think that mom would get the message that I need attention right now when a tomato goes thud onto the floor, but she doesn't. That other cat who lives in the house likes to get in mom's lap and suck up the heat. I hate that patchwork-big-as-a-pony-dog-breath-smelly ole cat. Sometimes my patience wears thin and I just have to bite her from behind (a big target) while she is on mom's lap. Then mom gets mad at me. I'm not the one hogging all the mom heat! Anyway, back to me. I usually can get that awful cat off mom's lap and chase her all the way into the attic and tell her to stay there until I - King Wallingford - give her permission to leave. As if I ever would! Then I have to tromp back downstairs and look mom right in the eyes so that I know I have her attention and bite her really hard. It isn't a good lesson unless I draw blood. She tries to put me in "time out" but I am really fast and can get under the bed where she can't get me. Playing chase with mom is always fun and it helps keep me warm.
Labels: It is getting cold here.
Steeenky day. mom hasn't done my cat box in two days and it is steeenky. Sometimes I like steeenky - like when mom wears her long denim coat that almost drags on the ground and it collects steeenks from the places she has been. I sniff it and when I find a really good steeenk I open my mouth a little and wrinkle my elegent nose to better experience the steeenk. It is like a person tasting wine slurping it over the back of their tongue - without the spitting it out of course. Some steeenks I just have to experience in 3-D by rolling in them. Riggling on my back in the middle of a good steeenk is the best! But steeenky cat boxes are the worst and mom should come home soon and make the steeenk go away. You agree with me, right?
Labels: Steeenky day
Slow news day today. It is raining and mom is working until way past dinner time and the other cat is tired of playing pony with me. Well she is as fat as a horse so why shouldn't I get to ride her around the house? Actually, now that I think about someone who isn't me - she has gotten thinner since I moved in. Whatever. Anyway - back to me. mom got upset one night because I got into the refrigerator for a snack while she was at work and forgot to close the door. I really can't be bothered with things like closing doors - nothing in it for me. She said that all her food was ruined because the door was open for like 14 hours. (She's fat as a horse - wouldn't hurt her to skip a meal or two.) None of my crunchies got ruined - so I don't see the big deal. I had opened the refrigerator door before and not closed it and she hadn't gotten SO upset. Anyway she did a bad, bad thing the next day. She put this white plastic thing on the side of the door and now no matter how hard I try - I can't open the door. She called a child-proof lock. How juvenile is that?
Labels: Refrigerator lock-up
Remember I told you that I am very, very, very smart? You should be paying more attention to me then if you didn't. On Saturdays mom likes to go "crawling" with our Uncle Butter. They take the car and drive to other people's houses and look at their stuff. Sometimes she buys me little presents - but mostly she is selfish and buys things for herself or to sell on eBay. Waste of time and money if you ask me. This Saturday she bought stupid LPs; although they are rather nice to sharpen my claws on when she puts them in the shelves. . . Anyway she put one of them on to play and went into the kitchen to cook and I just had to turn it off. Couldn't stand the thought of there being another King Cat in the house. She came to see why the music stopped after one song. Well, I just reached up and pushed the button that turned the turntable off. So there. She said the music was from Nat King Cole - not Cat King Cole. I wish she would speak more distinctly - it would save a whole lot of my energy.
Labels: Cat King Cole
Sunday mom sleeps very late. Nothing gets her up to feed me! But when she finally gets up she fixes us "brunch" and that means tuna. Tuna, tuna, tuna flies me to the moon ah! Can you tell that I lo-o-o-ve tuna? The weather was nice and mom let us go outside in the backyard for some fresh air. The other cat ran to the back near the compost pile where she promptly sat down and waited. I, being curious by nature, explored my realm and took a sunny nap. Later the other cat brought mom a dead mouse that she found. I jumped out at her from under the deck where I was hiding and she dropped the mouse. When mom came out to put vegetable scraps out for the worms she saw me sitting over the mouse. I gave it a couple of licks. Blet! Phoo! Ack! I got mouse hair on my tongue. mom didn't even act surprised that I had killed a wild mouse and got a bag and scooped up the mouse and put it in the trash. Maybe the man who steals mom's trash will be impressed.
Labels: Sunday mouse
Saturday morning mom gets up late. I try and try to remind her that feeding me (and that other cat) should be done at exactly the same time every morning! But she just groans and buries her head under the covers. After long, agonizing minutes of patiently jumping on her and knocking things off the night stand - she gets up and prepares the meagre rations she calls "brekie". She has this bizarre idea that I should share my food with less fortunate cats like the runny-eyed one-eared skinny gray excuse for a cat that shows up on the doorstep at mealtimes. I already share my food with the other cat who lives in the house - I give already - I'm a giver. When I have a chance, I sneak out the door and give that charity case the ends of my spikey paws. He always runs away because he knows who is king. That's me - King Wallingford - the giver.
Labels: I'm a giver.
Is this the face of a liar? Of course not! mom has been sniffing at the catnip jar again. Everything I blog is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Mostly, anyway. Would you bother to read my blog if it wasn't full of excitement and suspense? Hmm - I thought not. So we agree - I am the boss of you and mom. Maybe tomorrow I will tell you more about myself - the most important subject in the world.
Labels: Disclaimer my whiskers
Hello there! I need to tell you that the opinions expressed by Wallingford are not necessarily those of myself or my household. In fact
they might be fabrications, inventions or downright lies. I do not, nor have I ever, praticed "cat abuse" no matter what Wallingford says. Enjoy Wallingford's rants and raves, but at all times remember - he is ONLY a cat and not the boss of me.
Peace, Plenty and Purrs,
Mem'
a.k.a "mom"
Labels: Disclaimer by mom
You came back - I knew you would. Cats know everything. I had great fun last night! My mom left one of the cupboard doors open and while I was cruising around the kitchen counters - I spied it. (Cats miss nothing.) Hadn't been in that particular cupboard before; there could be cat food in it. Well all I found was drinking glasses. Disgusting. mom was busy on her stinking computer and not tending to my whims and wants - so I whacked one of those stupid glasses right out of that cupboard. It dropped to the floor and made a great sound as it broke in a dozen pieces. Do you know that mom was SO ignoring me that she didn't even find the glass until she stepped on it. Serves her right - ignoring me like she did. I'm not, not, not sorry.
Welcome. I am Wallingford, a yankee cat. This is my blog. As you can tell by my photograph, I am quite the handsome devil. I am also very, very, very smart.
.jpg)
